Go, Economists, Go!

What do medicine, physics, chemisty, and literature all have in common?

They’re all Nobel Prize categories in which the 2007 winner was not a Princeton son, daughter, professor, janitor, squirrel, or anything else affiliated with orange, black, or the crisp air of societal elite.

But don’t fling yourself out the window just yet. We still have two categories – peace and economics – yet to go, and my working theory is that the only reason we’ve been denied a Nobel so far is because we’ll sweep the floor in these remaining two. I’m talking 9 Nobels, minimum. By the time the Princeton Extreme-Nobel Phenomenon of 2007 comes to a conclusion, even T.I. will have a Nobel laureate alum to it’s name. It’s going to be THAT big.

Happy as we are, we should not delude ourselves into thinking we really have a shot at winning one in peace. I have a lot of respect for our glorious alumni base, but come, who’s good enough to actually clinch a Nobel? Wendy Kopp? Our not-to-be-named uncle? If we’re going to be completely honest here (as this post has been so far), we have to admit that peace is too soft a category for the vicious Tiger. Nay, if we’re going to be in the nation’s service or in the service of all nations, we’ll have to do it with the part of our brains that dismisses altruism and says hello to good old economics and self interest.

So since we have to rack up a solid 9 Nobels in Economics by Monday, I say we hold the department under house arrest and force the professors to churn out papers on anything and everything within the next four days (we should also consider hiring lots and lots of monkeys). As a final measure, we should fatten up Avinash Dixit and threaten that he will be eaten alive if the Nobel committee doesn’t finally give him one. Since about 5 Nobels are pretty much a given as it is, such measures ought to put us within fighting range of our modest goal.

I should note, by the way, that my interest in Princetonians winning the Nobel is scarcely selfish. My hope is that this episode will inspire a little something in us – the zeal to do Nobel quality work (though only 35% of those Nobels will get A’s). I, for one, have already decided that my senior thesis will earn me at least one Nobel. Shouldn’t you do the same?

Best of luck.

P.S. If anyone wants to have a Nobel-Announcement-Wakeup-Party, I’d be totally up for it.

 

Back in Black (and Orange)

So I’m back in Princeton at last. The last four days have been pretty crazy in ways that I better not elaborate on. While the idea of a Princeton sans-classes is really tempting, it’d be nice to have a little bit of regularity back into things again. Besides, I have an interesting, if painful, schedule coming up this semester. I found out tonight that I’ll be having Bob Dondero as my COS 217 preceptor, which means – according to the testimony of friends and kind upperclassmen – that every Tuesday and Thursday at 1:30 PM, I’ll be experiencing holy rapture. Here’s a typical comment on SCG:

Bob Dondero is the ultimate preceptor. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who has ever set foot in his classroom. His precepts are jam-packed from start to finish with everything you need to know to complete the assignments. His handouts are comprehensive, his stack traces thorough and clear, and his emails legendary. I cannot think of another preceptor, nay, another human being who performs his job with greater care and consideration. When I saw that the SCG was back online, the first thing I thought was, “I’ve got to write something about Bob Dondero!”. What more can I say…. If you want to learn the C programming language (fast), plus some nifty things about low-level stuff like assembly language and memory management, take this class and make sure Robert Dondero Jr. is your preceptor.

Crazy, right? There are 9 reviews for the class, and 8 of them have uninvited Dondero cheering. Often, these come with heavy capitalization and deification. At this point, if Dondero doesn’t come into his first precept dressed in a coat of armor and/or slays a dozen dragons, reality can scarcely match my expectations.

Also, I’m signed up (or will soon have signed up) for 7 classes and will need to drop 2 of them. I think I’ve mentally prepared myself to drop one, but that second one’s going to cause me much pain.

Also also: why won’t people on campus respond to my e-mails? If I have a turnaround time of 90 seconds, you should too.

 

Princeton Ranks Not First On Washington Monthly Rankings

Goddamnit. My life is over. OVER.

At least if I’d gone to Cornell (rank 8), I could have plunged into oblivion, my body becoming part of the beautiful scenery. But if I jump off Holder Tower, I’ll just hit some rich man’s Porsche on Nassau Street.

You just can’t win, sometimes.