Go, Economists, Go!

What do medicine, physics, chemisty, and literature all have in common?

They’re all Nobel Prize categories in which the 2007 winner was not a Princeton son, daughter, professor, janitor, squirrel, or anything else affiliated with orange, black, or the crisp air of societal elite.

But don’t fling yourself out the window just yet. We still have two categories – peace and economics – yet to go, and my working theory is that the only reason we’ve been denied a Nobel so far is because we’ll sweep the floor in these remaining two. I’m talking 9 Nobels, minimum. By the time the Princeton Extreme-Nobel Phenomenon of 2007 comes to a conclusion, even T.I. will have a Nobel laureate alum to it’s name. It’s going to be THAT big.

Happy as we are, we should not delude ourselves into thinking we really have a shot at winning one in peace. I have a lot of respect for our glorious alumni base, but come, who’s good enough to actually clinch a Nobel? Wendy Kopp? Our not-to-be-named uncle? If we’re going to be completely honest here (as this post has been so far), we have to admit that peace is too soft a category for the vicious Tiger. Nay, if we’re going to be in the nation’s service or in the service of all nations, we’ll have to do it with the part of our brains that dismisses altruism and says hello to good old economics and self interest.

So since we have to rack up a solid 9 Nobels in Economics by Monday, I say we hold the department under house arrest and force the professors to churn out papers on anything and everything within the next four days (we should also consider hiring lots and lots of monkeys). As a final measure, we should fatten up Avinash Dixit and threaten that he will be eaten alive if the Nobel committee doesn’t finally give him one. Since about 5 Nobels are pretty much a given as it is, such measures ought to put us within fighting range of our modest goal.

I should note, by the way, that my interest in Princetonians winning the Nobel is scarcely selfish. My hope is that this episode will inspire a little something in us – the zeal to do Nobel quality work (though only 35% of those Nobels will get A’s). I, for one, have already decided that my senior thesis will earn me at least one Nobel. Shouldn’t you do the same?

Best of luck.

P.S. If anyone wants to have a Nobel-Announcement-Wakeup-Party, I’d be totally up for it.

 

Global Warming: A Solution

I’m studying at Cafe Viv with Chris. He came over to my booth a minute ago and handed me a piece of paper on which he’s scribbled a quick note. In entirety, it reads:

“The solution to global warming? It will solve itself. How? Well, the hotter the world gets, the higher its seas will rise. The higher its seas will rise, the smaller the overall land mass of the planet Earth. Soon enough, there’ll be too little land to sustain enough humans to affect global temperatures, and global warming will eventually cease. The planet might even re-cool afterwards!”

He pauses before a footnote.

“Sure, billions upon billions might have to perish, but that’ll just make it better for us survivors!”

Chris, you might want to consider joining the Republican Party. I hear they have a similar solution in mind.

 

Appreciation and Depreciation

ORIGINAL INQUIRY

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST
What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or
other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER

She gets a response…

PostingID: 432279810
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.

***

Courtesy of WSO: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/node/9398

 

Bizarre Sleep Cycles in Spoon 203

John’s the most normal. He typically does a 2 – 9 thing.

Chris typically deprives himself of sleep for a night or two and then tries to catch up in quick two hour bursts.

Danny went to sleep at 4 PM, woke up at 10 PM, finished his problem sets due tomorrow, went back to sleep at 1, and rewoke at 3:30ish.

After last night’s hardc0r3Z p-setting, I turned in at 8:30, only to end up waking up at 2:00. I think I’ll go back to sleep and see if I can wake up at 8.

Goodnigorning.

 

Back in Black (and Orange)

So I’m back in Princeton at last. The last four days have been pretty crazy in ways that I better not elaborate on. While the idea of a Princeton sans-classes is really tempting, it’d be nice to have a little bit of regularity back into things again. Besides, I have an interesting, if painful, schedule coming up this semester. I found out tonight that I’ll be having Bob Dondero as my COS 217 preceptor, which means – according to the testimony of friends and kind upperclassmen – that every Tuesday and Thursday at 1:30 PM, I’ll be experiencing holy rapture. Here’s a typical comment on SCG:

Bob Dondero is the ultimate preceptor. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who has ever set foot in his classroom. His precepts are jam-packed from start to finish with everything you need to know to complete the assignments. His handouts are comprehensive, his stack traces thorough and clear, and his emails legendary. I cannot think of another preceptor, nay, another human being who performs his job with greater care and consideration. When I saw that the SCG was back online, the first thing I thought was, “I’ve got to write something about Bob Dondero!”. What more can I say…. If you want to learn the C programming language (fast), plus some nifty things about low-level stuff like assembly language and memory management, take this class and make sure Robert Dondero Jr. is your preceptor.

Crazy, right? There are 9 reviews for the class, and 8 of them have uninvited Dondero cheering. Often, these come with heavy capitalization and deification. At this point, if Dondero doesn’t come into his first precept dressed in a coat of armor and/or slays a dozen dragons, reality can scarcely match my expectations.

Also, I’m signed up (or will soon have signed up) for 7 classes and will need to drop 2 of them. I think I’ve mentally prepared myself to drop one, but that second one’s going to cause me much pain.

Also also: why won’t people on campus respond to my e-mails? If I have a turnaround time of 90 seconds, you should too.

 

Book Progress Report, 9/8/07

• Stumbling on Happiness – Pg. 83 of 263
• The Second World War – Pg. 8 of 286
• A Random Walk Down Wall Street – Pg. 62 of 396
• America: Democracy Inaction – Pg. 10 of 220

Let’s see what tomorrow’s sun brings!

 

Forum Funnies

 

A Thought or Two or Six

1) The primary problem with Intelligent Design, as I see it, is that it aims to seek refuge in a science classroom when, in fact it lacks a key tenet of any scientific theory: it must be falsifiable. That is, it must clearly predict what will happen in a spanking new laboratory experiment we perform tomorrow. If the prediction fails, the theory falls. Evolutionary theory allows us to do just this. Based on the principle of natural selection, it predicts that if you expose bacteria to a narrow range of antibiotics, assuming natural conditions, the strain in your petri dish will eventually be resistant. I’m curious to know what a theory based on the idea that “some things happen because of an intelligent being” would predict about the bacteria sample. How do you tell if this is one of the “some things”? If it is, how can we use this to predict what our intelligent agent will do next with this bacterial sample?

2) It strikes me as regrettable that the religious base which has supported ID over evolutionary theory sees it as a zero-sum game where the existence of one idea weakens the other. Just because creationism or ID cannot live within the realm of strict science doesn’t mean there’s no home for spirituality or metaphysics in the broader sense, given how few of our deepest philosophical questions have convincing answers. I’d expand on that thought, but I’ll save my points for until I read the Dalai Lama’s The Universe in A Single Atom (apparently, the guy says that if science changes, our view of the world has to change with it, regardless or prior doctrine… how often do you hear such a statement from a religious leader?) . In any event, I think it’s unfortunate that there’s a misconception in some circles that evolutionary theory “disproves” God.

3) Props to ID proponents for not only their modest victory in the classroom, but also – especially - for their PR victory in the media. If you take a survey of prominent biologists, I’d venture to guess that over 95% of them support solely teaching evolution. You’d only expect, then, that ID would stand no shot, that it would immediately be ridiculed and crushed. Yet we’ve seen large nation wide debates. I think the biggest victory of ID advocates has been the creation of a debate to begin with – to give the impression that this is a largely unresolved issue. If you define winning as success in getting local, state, and even national policy makers talking about what really should be a non-issue, there’s no loss here. I may not agree with their position, but I recognize their genius when I see it.

4) When I see liberals make arguments pro-evolution on Facebook groups and places like Digg, it disheartens me that these are the guys on my camp. Even with the facts seemingly on their side, liberals tend to be fairly bad at convincing others, if only because they often argue condescendingly. Conservatives tend to be far more articulate and organized with their arguments. And indeed, this is something whose importance that some conservative camps – notably evangelicals – recognize already.

5) Apple has a killer PR machine. For one, they have Steve Jobs, whose charisma is remarkable and probably played no small part in the success of the iPhone (which even my Mom wants). They’ve also been quite aggressive at striking out against NBC in the latest controversy over pricing. And just take a look at the top Digg stories of the day.

Seven of the top ten stories. If their engineers are half as sharp as their marketing folks, maybe I should’ve purchased a Mac after all.

6) Really looking forward to Princeton. I have big plans for next year, starting with a very busy first week. See you Princetonians there!

 

Ocular Penetration Bill of 2007

Enough said.

 

Princeton Ranks Not First On Washington Monthly Rankings

Goddamnit. My life is over. OVER.

At least if I’d gone to Cornell (rank 8), I could have plunged into oblivion, my body becoming part of the beautiful scenery. But if I jump off Holder Tower, I’ll just hit some rich man’s Porsche on Nassau Street.

You just can’t win, sometimes.